I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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