I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize