whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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