The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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