happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Sacagawea was the original milf.
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we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
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WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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