Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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