Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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