Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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