I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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