May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
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