I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize