Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize