The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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