i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
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i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
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I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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