For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
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