he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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