the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize