If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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