There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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