Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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