its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize