no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize