You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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