Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
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Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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