we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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