I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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