So gin and wine won't be happening again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
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I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
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If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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