Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
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May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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