Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
