It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im holly from the hills drunk
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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