I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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