i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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