I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Everything about him screamed your future.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
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It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
wow bdsm is so cute
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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