You're so nebulous sometimes
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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