He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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