i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
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The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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