I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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