When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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