New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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