Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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