I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
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