My sheets look like a crime scene.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
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Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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