Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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