Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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