i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize