I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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