WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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