I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
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