I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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