you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize